It’s my 18th and all I can think about is the weight I’ve gained

66koi:

does anyone else constantly get the feeling that you’re running out of time?? and for no reason!! i could be lying in bed in the middle of summer vacation and my mind is like “hurry up!!! before it’s too late!!!” and i’m just like “hurry up and do what?? leave me alone wtf!!!”

I want to live where the sunsets never cease

My sympathies lie in those I cannot know- for once I get close, I become blinded by hatred. I like being alone. It keeps the pain from melting over me. Man do I miss what that mouth can do. The pain doesn’t stick in me like a knife, it’s something like acid rain that is constantly eating away at me. Sometimes I find a basic to neutralize my suffering but too often I am left with holes in my umbrella and a dark cloud overhead. I can still feel your nails pressing to my jaw, was it pain or love? I’ve seen worse I cannot remember. I do remember that same hand tightening around my thighs. I thought of everything but the word “no” that day. All but those two damn letters. I could feel your pain when I looked into those brown eyes or was it just those hands around my already mutilated wrists? I was too frail for steps at the time but still you marched up and down. Elevator dizziness felt like relief from an already chaotic mind. I see the way your fingers wrap around the pencil as you write. I see the way they wrap around mine when there was too much pain in your eyes. I was too young to be watching the crystal hit your veins. The pain in your eyes didn’t subside like you thought, like your mind was clay, the rock was only ever a glaze. Things still remind me of you. Like when I get a bruise or smell a shower curtain. I do not recall the others after you. Anyone to fill the void was welcome. Most open arms are warm but I lacked. There was no calm before the storm. We just happened to meet in the eye of our hurricane.